Sunday, June 6, 2010

You know what really pisses me off?

Trailers.

And how the people responsible for making them have nothing to do with the film itself.

They employ the single most time-honoured clich├ęs of hackneyed editing ever conceived and we are expected to sit there and take it.
They also have different sound designers who use shitty sound design that is far beyond the limits of taste of even the most brazenly shameless hollywood director-for-hire. Same goes for their revolting stock music which usually finds its way in.

Some of the things I hate about trailers in particular:

  • Tonal shifts. It's all serious and gloomy one minute, then the music stops, then someone cracks a funny and some upbeat pop song takes its place as the trailer suddenly becomes more "humerus".
  • Showing us too much. Leave some of the best scenes for when I see it, eh?
  • Showing us too little. The latest "Splice" trailer I saw left me scratching my head and thinking, "well? What the fuck is this movie even about?"
  • Showing us the wrong scenes. The Iron Man 2 trailer put me off wanting to see the film, something which turned out to be incredibly misleading.
  • "SLAM" editing. Nauseatingly common. We only see a shot at its proper exposure for one frame before it fades to black. Pause. Another shot slams at us and fades to black. Do this about eight times, or enough times to utterly disorient anyone watching the film. Virtually always accompanied by loud "SLAM" bass-sounds.
  • The fact that nobody actually writes the voiceover guy's lines. It's just mailmerged templates selected depending on the season. "This summer, prepare to be blown away..." "Enter a world, of magic..." "And he's about to find out..." "From the studio that brought you..." "Wonder..." "A deadly game of cat and mouse..." "An incredible adventure awaits..." "Intrigue..." "This fall..." "Sometimes, all you need is a little..." Christ on a stick. Get creative, you fucks!!
My single greatest fear if I ever become a director, moreso than flopping a big production, is handing the film over to these guys to handle my trailer. They're going to ruin it. I won't even recognise what comes out of the trailer barn.

2 comments:

  1. It's painful how misleading Splice trailers are. Whoever made both those trailers and the Avatar trailers that show us the entire plot need to be forcefully downsized.

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  2. I remember both the trailers AND the DVD menus for Revenge of the Sith gave a phenomenal amount of the plot away.
    I mean sure, we all knew Sidius was going to go bad in that one, but at least we all know exactly when once we hit "Play Movie"!

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